Random Review: The Incredible Kintaro

I became interested in this title when someone working on the English edition posted on Twitter that it was one of the most ridiculous BL manga she’d ever seen. I spotted a copy on sale at Anime Boston, and as a fan of both ridiculousness and BL, I thought I’d check it out. TL;DR version: disappointing.

Cover of 801's edition of The Incredible KintaroThe Incredible Kintaro, by Naomi Guren ( Masaka no Kintarō, originally serialized in CitaCita; English edition 801 Media, 2014)

Our protagonist, Makoto (who is a cute uke tidbit of the “perky innocent” variety), is the grandson of the president of a prestigious boy’s prep school. The school’s motto is “Heart, Lust, Body”, representing the three things Granddad decrees essential in a man: a noble soul, a strong body, and being good in bed. On Granddad’s deathbed, he announces that the new president of the school will be whichever of the teachers that can ring Makoto’s bells, as it were. Makoto, who is not on board with this plan, recruits the help of his childhood friend, the titular Kintaro, to fend off the lecherous contestants.

In the folkloric legends of Kintarō, Kintarō, in his youth, was a super-strong little boy with a woodcutting axe and one of those bib/apron things that Japanese toddlers wore in Days Of Yore, famous for wrestling monsters and other feats of strength and bravery. Guren’s Kintaro is a buff dude with a magical axe and superior fighting skills (and he briefly wears that bib/apron thing, although on him it’s more of a muscle shirt), but the story has otherwise no connection whatsoever to the folktales, and it’s completely unclear to me why the original Kintarō is being referenced at all.

The Incredible Kintaro is trying to run on two things: rude humor and gratuitous smut. Unfortunately, it does neither well. The plot, such as it is, consists of assorted scenarios in which Makoto is captured and molested by one of the teachers, mostly in completely preposterous ways (robot sex! flower sex!); then, at the last second, Kintaro bursts in and lays the smackdown on the molester with his signature martial arts move, the “Shame Strike”, which involves mashing his naked gahoolies into the perp’s face, leaving them either too disgusted or too aroused to resist. (Both Makoto and Kintaro spend a phenomenal fraction of the book in the altogether, if that’s the sort of thing you go for.) Since it is obvious from the very beginning that Kintaro totally wants to jump Makoto’s bones and Makoto totally wants to jump Kintaro’s bones, you’d think they’d just do the horizontal rhumba and announce that the competition is therefore over, but that would mean the book would end by chapter one. So they don’t actually get it on until the very end, after the situation with the school has been resolved in a way that is actually sensible.

To a certain extent, The Incredible Kintaro reminds me of Rize Shinba’s Mister Mistress (available digitally through SuBLime), in that the main point of the book is to have the uke molested in ridiculous ways (demoniacally possessed pickled jellyfish strips!). The difference is that Mister Mistress is funny, sexy, and has an engaging central relationship, whereas The Incredible Kintaro is just dumb. All characters are one-note, the relationship between Makoto and Kintaro is bland, the molestation scenarios are not sexy, and even the humor, although certainly over-the-top (and very X-rated), is not energetic or inventive enough to be funny. If the thing you really, really want out of BL is shameless naked-dudeparts-in-the-face jokes, you might enjoy this book. Otherwise, give it a miss.

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